My liver just broke up with me...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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