It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
