they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
