One girl and one boy is just not enough.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
