I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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