omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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