and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
