He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
