I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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