I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
