I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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