I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
