they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
