If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
