spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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