my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
