Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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