I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
