You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
