if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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