no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
