I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
