You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?