Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.