'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA