I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care