So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize