So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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