the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
