i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
