cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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