Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
