I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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