I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
