i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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