Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Someone signed my nipple.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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