he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
