dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
