I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat