He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.