ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that