that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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