Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
