His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
