i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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