Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
