the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
