and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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