so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
