When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this just has baby written all over it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize