Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
