You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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