I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She's the barista slut.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
