I think my vagina is haunted
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
