How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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