You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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