Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
