he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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