I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
