I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
