When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
