Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
