My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When are your genitals available?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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