There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
