I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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