i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
