You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
