He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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