no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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