i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
