She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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