Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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