Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
