some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
