I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
